its not "cope" you retard i didnt mean it as in "ugh im glad i dont bother so i dont have to keep winning -_-" get some fucking reading comprehension skills
im not resigned out of cowardice but out of simple exhaustion, i still DO try and put effort in and improve some things, and its not like im afraid of failure or whatever the fuck, but its just so incredibly tiring to go way out of my way to put effort into something, when even simple things like waking up, eating meals etc require so much mental energy to do, if i didnt believe in souls i honestly would have given up ages ago because theres absolutely no goals left that i can fight for other than "feeling good" and "improving my soul(?(maybe)) by trying really hard", and then i would probably become a poor and brown druggie sicko that does nothing but sleep on the ground all day
>how is it possibly that not everybody is a completely hopeless miserable wreck then? they just got luckier and were beat down less often?
theres many different reasons, some were just luckier, some tried harder because they're people of higher quality, some just happened to try hard because they felt unusually good one day, and then rode on the waves of momentum, etc etc there's thousands of possible reasons, also i'd like to state that 95% or so of people have long since given up on trying and just casually live their lives and keep repeating their usual routines of work>hanging out>sleep even if theyre not content with it
also what i am saying is sort of cope, i will admit, because no amount of rationalizing or making excuses will change the simple, cold and hard truth that i have not succeded in the things i wanted to, nor have i succeded in enough things in life that i can hold my head high(its an incredibly weird and complicated feeling, but i feel like being able to learn and succeed in many different things in life is "true strength", something that is absolutely certain and which will be rewarded in some way at some point in time, and i feel that the reason that everything in the world appears interesting when you get down to its root concept, and is fun to learn, is to enable people to learn many different things through their life), and atleast for me, the sole and singular way that i could somehow turn things around is by simply "trying harder" until i can finally manage to do the things that i want to do, there's no way that anything can change for the better if i dont first suffer for the purpose of learning things and how to apply them, thus becoming a person that is truly competent and strong, which as of now is still infinitely far away